Grampo Love
By: Jim Knudson
I have raised to adulthood, together with my wife, a son and a daughter. Watching them continue to grow and become individuals is one of my life's delights, just as it was when they lived under our roof. They are precious to me, yet parenting is not always joyful, and perhaps the hardest and most fulfilling work I have done. As a young parent it was hard to totally relax. Was I being a good enough provider, taking care of food and shelter? Was I teaching integrity and values? Was I empowering their gifts and not pushing my own agenda? My wife tells the story of the day after our son's birth when I couldn't stay and relax with her in the hospital, but needed to run home to repair a cracked window in the baby's room before we brought him home. I don't think I was a neurotic father, but I do think that parents are called on to balance a great many things, that can take their mind off the wonder that unfolds before them in the persons of their children. There's the present, but you dare not linger there too long lest you arrive unprepared for tomorrow.
December of 2006 my world view changed. My son became a father and I became Grampo. Together with my longtime roommate, now Grammo, I entered into a totally new relationship. Just as surprising as the instant love I felt at the birth of my own children, my grandson Max's entry into this world opened a new corner in my heart. The difference this time around is the worry. There is none. Max made me a gift of the present. When I am with my grandkids, Samantha has now joined the ranks, there is nothing more important than just being there watching, noticing, holding, responding, playing. Whatever either of them is into at the moment commands my full attention. I can delight in the minuscule, the momentary, the now. During a recent visit Max burst into the early morning quiet with a boisterous "Let's play!" What else can you do?
So my issues with a vision of God the father, who has a full plate and gets to me when he can, has evolved into a God the grandparent, who has nothing but time to dote on his/her grandchildren. Much less austere, much more present, this God offers me more solace. Just as I have benefited from the wisdom gained from the long view of age towards parenting, I can trust that this God, the grandparent, will see me through. Much less focused on whether I got the immediate point right, very focused on letting me know how loved I am, God is about the present. If my ability to be present to Max and Sam allows minute to minute attention, how much better can this Creator God be in dealing with me?
Samantha and Max make me pay attention to my own present as well. The habit of noticing things in the moment as we encounter the world trickles over into my days even when we're apart. While still plenty focused on the tasks ahead, I am more open to the interjection of creation into my busyness. Whether it is the beauty of nature in a blossom, a mountain view, or in the sparkling eyes of another person, I find I'm more ready to acknowledge the gift of the moment in the midst of what I'm involved in. I can let go of a project to respond to others or just to be. As a result I feel happier, more connected and, by consequence, closer to God.
So I feel blessed by my grandchildren not only for the new life and possibilities they engender, but for the gift of insight they have given me. I understand my God and my place in the world a little bit better. I have a deeper respect for the relationship with my wife that began this whole process. And I look forward to being a father to my children as they continue to become the adults God intended, perhaps with greater awareness then when I stumbled through in their early years.
Of course, the joy of every moment I get to spend as Grampo is a treasure to be held gently and anticipated greatly.